Wednesday, February 15, 2012

to retract

I totally wish to retract my blog post from yesterday. Because I read it back today and it was sooooooo incredibly whiny and all "POOR SAD ME AND MY AWFUL LIFE WITH MY FREE VACATION CONUNDRUM AND TRAVELING HUSBAND WHO HAS A MARVELOUS JOB WAH WAH WAH."

I make it a personal policy to not be a whiner or one who complains over social media, especially over problems that aren't by most people's standard's, in fact, problems.

So, retraction accepted?

You see, I have discovered that life with 2 small children is just a whole darn lot harder than I ever anticipated. And my husband's traveling schedule has been unusually heavy the past 6 weeks and all this alone time has allowed frustration to brew and bubble up inside of me and I guess it just happened to spill over here... and in the face of some of the unsuspecting friends who have emailed, called, and/or texted me lately.

I LOVE having 2 kids. I really do. But almost 7 months in, looking back from where we were before we had the baby?

It's darn hard.

Even when he's not traveling, J has simply been working a ton here at home and I find myself outnumbered by children more often than not. When there was just 1, she could spend some time playing alone or nap or SOMETHING to give me peace and quiet for brief stretches throughout my day. So rarely does it ever happen now that they are both quiet or undemanding at the same time. In fact, Little L has pretty much stopped taking naps all together within the past month and she is talking ALL THE TIME. Often times, I am fielding work phone calls with one child yammering away about needing something in the background and a baby wailing over the monitor. Even when we are both "on" and managing the kids together, it is still kind of crazy how we each have one little person to give our attenton to and we are never really getting any individual "alone" time in any given day.

But it could be worse. So, so much worse.

I think I put a ton of emphasis on all of my stress and frustration revolving around the diet-breastfeeding v. formula-non sleeping, non napping, constantly crying baby and I expected my life to just magically go back to at least resembling the awesome way it was pre-baby when we got all that mess sorted. But, DUH. That wasn't the case. Because a baby is so much more work than she's not, especially this one. She isn't independent like her sister was, she needs and wants constant attention. And now that we toss the whole mess of bottle washing, solids introduction, constant diaper changing on top of the existing needs of the child who was always here (well, not really, technically just shy of only 3 years of existence, but it DOES feel like always at this point), I am ridiculous BUSY every day. I eat every meal late, I forget to drink water, my hands are ANGRY at me for all the bottle washing and I have totally hit the point of rarely even running a brush through my hair each day, never mind such niceties like makeup or lip gloss. HAR!

But on the flip side? I simply love these girls. I mean I truly, deeply adore them to my CORE. I always just knew I'd love having another child but I couldn't have imagined how much and how differently I would love her. And the love of seeing the two of them together? It is amazing. The baby just adores her sister and laughs and squeals at her allllll the time. They face each other in the back of the van and I swear some days they just sit back there quietly smiling at each other for the entire drive wherever we are going. And we spend so much time together having dance parties or huddled around the kitchen (L in her chair, S in her high chair and me usually standing at the island) just giggling and listening to music or eating snacks. I'll often leave Little L in the family room "in charge" of watching S (I am really just within eye shot, but it makes her feel important) and come back to finding them side by side on the floor holding hands.

The tough days are tough for sure, but in every day there is so much good.


  1. my favourite blogs to read are the ones that are real. So I don't think you are whining, or complaining you are being authentic and true to yourself and true to this space! being a mom is not easy, but there is also nothing as amazing. thanks for being you here, i love it.

  2. Totally understand!! It'll get easier once S gets older and they can really go and do their thing without you and you can get some work done! :)

    It's busy, challeging and tiring. Your job is way harder than mine. I am at work for 40 hours a week with adult time, so work/Stay at home moms have it MUCh tougher than I

  3. I think (I'm clinging to this hope) that when our babies are a teeny bit more self-sufficient, we're going to think we have it made! I mean in my optimistic mind, they're going to play together and we can sit on the couch with our feet up watching Bravo all day, while our husbands bring us snacks and mind the well-behaved children. Yes? A girl can dream. Love you.

  4. I don't think you need to retract anything- it is your blog, and sometimes one just needs to have a rant when things pile up.

    And according to my really good friends, going from one kid to two is actually more difficult than going from no kids to one kid. They said life is just constantly chaos. Now they've just had their third, because they figured one more couldn't add much to the mix! So I think everything you are feeling is natural and expected and not requiring retraction.

    Plus you are awesome for coping with hubby gone. I would not cope well without Q.

    PS. E. got so much more independent once the crawling started. Now he fusses if I try to pick him up and cuddle him!