Today, I feel infinitely better than I have in weeks. My attitude has been just awful this month and I am so disappointed in myself. It just reminds me that if I cannot change my situation then I absolutely have to change my attitude. And after some prayer and thinking and evaluating my personal situation, I feel like I have come to some resolution about how to pick myself up and GET BACK to a more joyful and peaceful place in my life. ME TIME. Giving myself a certain amount of attention and allowing me to be ME and take some of my constant focus off my kids, house, work, etc, to just simply be an individual.
1) I HAVE to set aside completely quiet time with God each day. I was cramming those moments in when I could, simply missing some days, and often times doing them in the midst of chaos on the sofa with both kids playing on the floor next to me. A complete distraction and not the right way to do my "quiet time" at all. I have decided I am going to go to bed earlier and get up before everyone instead of just groggily rolling out of bed when I hear them rustling around at 7 AM. I am not a fan of getting up at 6 AM, but I NEED IT. And I remember when I figured this out with Little L, it changed my life. Necessary change.
2) RUNNING. I have only been able to run sporadically since S was born and it isn't working. I am an avid outdoor runner. It is all I have done for 3 years. But leaving the house with 2 kids hasn't been an option. Plus so many days it is dark at 6AM or too cold, rainy or TOO HOT. My husband offered to buy me a treadmill months ago, but I had such a hard time spending the money on something so selfish. After months of stewing on it and watching each day pass by without a run, I finally agreed it was something I simply needed to do. So this weekend that sweet man bought me one. It gets delivered on Monday. My legs are literally twitching with excitement.
3) So, there's that. Every morning, I am going to get up early and run and do bible study before the kids even stir.
4) If you've ever exercised first thing in the AM, then you know it is HARD to drag yourself out of bed for it... but once you have it done? It changes the entire course of your day. I even tell my husband that I need to "go run the mean out of me" sometimes. It just changes my attitude about everything. There is such a level of patience it affords me that life without it doesn't.
5) I got online and bought myself skin care products last week. I haven't had the opportunity to change up my skin care routine in, oh, 10+ years? I've been using the same orange neutrogen.a face wash and their basic moisturizer since I was in my early 20's. And let's face it. 32 is not 22. I'm getting wrinkles and sun damage is really starting to show. I don't have the time (or money) for a facial or even a good thorough visit with a dermatologist, so I decided it was ok to just buy some new stuff and work on feeling better about that part of me. I bought a new face soap and toner, day time tinted moisturizer with SPF, night time wrinkle moisturizer, night eye cream and a really strong moisturizer for my ANGRY bottle washing hands. I cannot stand going to the store and looking at all the options or being scrutinized by the ladies at the makeup counter at a department store, so I took some time, read reviews and ordered it all from the privacy of my home in my PJ's. I am annoyingly excited about this.
6) I went ahead and signed Little L up for the church's summer mother's day out program. It is basically just the same thing she's doing now but runs through mid-July. I wasn't sure if we should spend the money but my work schedule isn't changing just because "summer" is rolling around and she is doing SO GREAT in that program. Learning, making friends, etc. I am so glad my husband was on board with this decision. Gives me my Tuesdays and Thursdays with just 1 child for almost the entire year. So we'll only have 6 weeks this year of 5 days a week together full time. I can do that and we'll try to plan our family vacation during that time instead of in the fall like we were originally thinking.
7) I am 95% sure I am going to Puerto Rico with my husband. We have some amazing people who have offered to watch the girls and I am praying through those decisions right now to make sure we leave them with the right person and do not burden anyone too much. I honestly could so easily tell my husband to just go without me and stay home with my girls but honestly? Why is it SO EASY for me to put my kids before my husband like that? He is my #1 earthly priority and it means SO MUCH to him for me to be there in support of him and enjoying time alone together for the first real time in 3 years. I owe it to him to make this happen. Pray for me... I get a little anxious thinking about leaving the baby so soon, but I know it is the proper decision. 3 nights away is nothing in the grand scheme of things.
8) Speaking of the baby, she was dedicated at church this weekend. I told Little L we were "giving sister back to God" and she gave me a sad look and said she did not want us to give sister to anyone.
9) Oh, and speaking of the baby, she turned 7 months old on Sunday (also the 7 year anniversary of the day my sweet man asked me to marry him--what a day!). AND my little L turns 3 years old in less than 2 weeks. I cannot believe ANY OF THIS.
Hope you are all blessed today! And choosing JOY!