Tuesday, February 14, 2012

bring on the stress

Begin, begin... where do I begin.

* Business travel. I HATE IT. And it is running our lives right now. I cannot express how unbelievably hard it is to play the role of a single work-at-home-parent-to-two. Just the girls and I alone for multiple days, not much other human interaction... it could make a person go kinda crazy. Mornings and nights especially are just SO HARD. I try not to complain about it to him too much because, well, there's just nothing he can do about it. But really, a huge part of me just wants to WHINE. And it isn't that I think he's off on vacation enjoying himself, right? Yet somehow it is hard not to feel kinda jealous when I'm fighting to wrangle 2 children down to bed only to know I have 2 hours of work waiting for me while he's staying at a nice hotel (with ROOM SERVICE, MAIDS, NO CRYING CHILDREN!) enjoying a steak dinner with wine and ADULT CONVERSATION.

* My family (the one that I was born in to, not the one I made). Oh, my poor, sad, miserable family. It isn't appropriate to go in to too many details but I have two grown brothers who are just a HUGE mess right now. And these are the kinds of messes that spill over in to everyone else's life, especially my dad's and definitely mine. I spend a lot of time worrying and praying for both of them and every day seems like SURELY SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE OR GET BETTER? But it hasn't happened. Today I said to God "I honestly don't know what to pray for with them anymore. So, please, your will just be done right now." I'm not sure if I've ever hit that place in prayer before now.

* To further push this family drama in to my life, my dad and his wife are our only babysitter. We have been unable to rely on them at all in the past few months because of all of this nonsense with my brothers. One or both of them are regularly staying in their home and really, I'm not comfortable with my kids being around them. So sure, they could come to our house and watch them. But they both work full time and are dealing with the brother crap full time, too, so it just seems wrong to ask them to please watch our small, very needy children on top of all that exhausting MESS they are dealing with on a daily basis. So you know what that means? We haven't been alone without our kids since our wedding anniversary last year. OCTOBER 1st. In fact, as I think about it, that was the one and only time we left both kids alone with them to go out on a date. I was too afraid to leave baby S with anyone since she was such drama. And now I'm just not really sure what to do about this... but it is putting a definite strain on my marriage. We're doing ok but, you know, married couples just need time alone. Outside of the house. To talk about things other than Nemo and Rapunzel.

* Rolling right along... my wonderful, amazing, loyal, hard-working husband won this fantastically HUGE company award last week. Really, it's a BIG FRIGGIN DEAL. I am so proud of him and I know he is humble but SO HONORED. Because this is the kind of designation people carry around with them and put on their resumes, it is well known in his industry. Well. In conjunction with said award, which is bestowed upon about 200 people each year (out of 65,000 employees), he won a trip. Not just any trip, either. A FIRST CLASS ALL THE WAY, 5-star resort  (for 4 days during the work week) in Puerto Rico trip. For two. (His company politely assumes the winner would want to take their spouse with them to a gorgeous beach) It is a very executive type trip with scheduled events and spa days and such and, well, basically NOT CHILD FRIENDLY in any way. HAHAHAHA. And we have no idea what we are going to do. Because we realistically don't have any family to leave our 2 children with that long and who else can you expect to watch your 2 kids for 3 nights? Plus there's the whole fact that the baby will only be about 9 months by that time and I am asking myself if I can even fathom leaving her for that long? But then there's my husband (who is going to take this awesome trip with or without me, by the way), who wants nothing more than for me to take this trip with him. And my head wants to explode because I have no idea what to do.

Yes, I realize my problems aren't the worst problems in the world. And things have been much harder in the past, for sure. But at the moment, when I figured I would find some PEACE and rest after the whole food-sleep-drama with Baby S, I feel myself just riddled with angst and stress. I am doing my best to overcome it and just trust that things will work out as they should, but... you know, easier said than done.


  1. oh man! I could not handle business trips, just couldn't! I would go CRAZY! ohh I feel for you.

    And the baby sitting dilemma, oh I wish i was there, I would soo look after your girls so you could go on a date night!

    Sending a prayer for your brothers.

    I hope you do get to go on the trip, it sounds like the break you sooooo need! I hope you can find someone to watch the girls! You can fly them here and we will look after them :)

  2. Oh my dear, I'm so sorry. I hate that you're stressed. I wish I was closer, I'd keep your sweetpeas for a week without hesitation. The kiddos would all have so much fun... ahh, I can dream right? :) Do you have close friends where they could stay overnight at each of their houses for one night? Kind of a kid shuffle? B did that when we went to Mexico last year (3 nights with friends, 4 with our ILs) and he thought he was pretty cool to be shuffled around like a VIP. As far as whether you're able to leave them for that long - you will be. They're not going to remember that you were gone, and hopefully they're somewhere where they will have a blast! And you will come back so refreshed and relaxed it will be worth every ounce of stress you're feeling now. xo

  3. When I was in college I stayed over night for a few nights and days to watch kids. I had never babysat for them before, but they are friends with my neighbors, any chance your friends know anyone who you could trust to watch the girls?

  4. I think your parents need to kick your brothers out for a week or two and make them deal on their own. Of course this is coming from someone who has no idea what is going on. But it is also coming from someone who has a brother who has been a strain on his family in ways that he never should have been. So while I don't know your exact situation, I know how it feels to feel like you can't go to your parents with your problems because they have their hands more than full with the problems of your sibling whose life is a complete wreck.

    Now, having said that, I am sure that they would LOVE to have your baby girls over for a few nights and have both of your bothers out of their hair while your girls are there. Your brothers can suck it up and think about someone else for a week or two. I say two because let's face it, your folks probably want some alone time too.

    Ask you parents. Let them know your concerns. Make a deal with them, like if they take the girls, you'll buy them a nice dinner or something. You ARE going with your husband. The end.

    Hang in there girl. Everything will work itself out. Before you know it, you will be enjoying a beach massage and sipping a much needed margarita.

  5. you NEED this trip, woman! fingers crossed your parents step up (and your brothers step out) so you can enjoy yourself andyour husband.