Monday, November 28, 2011

4 months

Baby S is 4 months. I'm still not sure how it is possible for time to move sooooo rapidly yet so slowly at the same time, but it has. Her appointment went well-ish. Meaning, I still definitely like her doctor. However, I really need to lower my expectations of pediatricians and their knowledge of nursing and related topics. Because I always go in expecting something definitive and always leave with the vague nonsense of "well, we just don't fully know how her digestion process will mature" and "well, I am supposed to tell you that breast is best but if it were me, I'd couldn't live on that diet."


I totally get it. But yet, I wanted more of a plan or idea from her on how to handle the MSPI situation. Basically, she handed me a sample of Alimen.tum and told me that I have done amazingly well to make it this far and few mothers she knows have done the same. So that's where we are. I could fill you with the details of all my recent personal health issues, the fact that my poor body has been declining weekly as I go along without milk and soy in my diet. The fact that I achieved the worst, MOST PAINFUL blocked duct of all time on Thanksgiving DAY. The fact that going anywhere outside of the house to eat is terrifying and 1/2 of the time results in a fussy baby with awful green diapers.

So there's that.

I'm still striving toward 6 months but at the rate I'm going, I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't make it. For some reason, I am unwilling to just CALL IT and go with formula, but at the same time I know that 8 more months of this is not likely best for me. I have to be real. And as much as I think nursing is the bee's knees and I love everything about it and the idea of NOT nursing my baby is kinda stomach turning, I think we've reached an impasse.

Otherwise? She's doing wonderfully. She was 13 lbs, 10 ozs and 25.5" long. She's slowed some on the growth charts but still in approved percentile ranges for everything. Her weight to height ratio is still extremely low, but the doctor isn't worried about it and feels it just indicates her build will always be long and lean. (Here's hoping for her sake.) She also gave me the go ahead to start solids if we're ready. With the food intolerance issue she recommended going very slowly with new food introduction, which is fine. I wasn't really thinking I would mess with it at all until closer to 6 months, but baby S has taken a HUGE interest in our food as of late. She STARES at everything everyone is eating and she is already open wide and eager when I put up the spoon of preva.cid to her mouth each day. So maybe rice cereal this week. We'll see.

She's still the most adorable little baby who just cannot stop smiling and loves to watch her big sister play. Toys are becoming more interesting to her, she's really playing WITH the toys on the gymini like crazy now and loves shoving anything she can grasp well in to her mouth. She's not rolled over again recently, but I'm good with that. She's content to just sit on a blanket or in her bouncy chair for pretty decent stretches while life goes on around her. That child is completely the joy of my heart. I can think of nothing I love more of the baby experience with her than the wee hours of the morning when I bring her to bed to snuggle. I honestly don't mind the 6:30 AM wakeup when she'll come right back to sleep with me.

We're still having sleep issues galore. She wakes up at least twice a night insisting on food. The times are always sporadic, never habitual-seeming, so right now I'm just going with it and feeding her if I can not get her to settle. She always goes right back to sleep after nursing. Maybe growth spurt, maybe regression... her pediatrician swore she saw teeth coming in, though it still seems a bit early for that to me. Who knows. I realized this go around I don't necessarily need to figure every little baby inconsistency out with an explanation for every behavior. She's a baby, she's not sleeping much. The end. I have deemed myself with a case of "functioning exhaustion." I sat down on the sofa Saturday night and closed my eyes for just one second and I was out like a light. Someone woke me up 20 minutes later, but hey. Any sleep right now is good sleep. Thank GOD for coffee and hot showers.

The holiday was terribly hectic. Sadly, we both realized AFTERWARDS we agreed to TOO many things and events and wound up smooth worn out by last night and really wishing we had at least another day or two to just veg before the work week. Though I'm thankful we had so many wonderful people to see and the ability to get out and enjoy the season. Little L's room got painted, though, glad that's done. (pictures soon!) I finally got my trees decorated and we did a boat load of Christmas shopping. I really love this time of year, even if it is chaotic and always wears you out no matter how hard you try to just take it easy.

I swear I'll be back with pictures and more fun chatter next time. Love to all.


  1. I hear you with the lack of medical advice. I feel like I know more about MSPI than either E's pediatrician or the breast-feeding clinic we visited in October.

    I'm sorry you are having health issues as a result of the diet. I'm ok thus far, but I am worried about the long-term impact of removing all dairy. I know lots of people live healthy lives dairy-free, but it is a big part of my diet, and I'm not entirely convinced we've substituted properly for it (although Q. is trying so hard, bless him).

    Right now I cannot stomach the thought of giving my baby formula. We have done so well with nursing, and I know it is better for him provided I can keep out the dairy/soy. But I must say if it turns out he is allergic to anything else (especially gluten), I think I would cry uncle. There is a big part of me that believes if I nurse to a year I am a GOOD MOTHER and if that baby gets formula I am a BAD MOTHER. No idea how I will reconcile that if we run into further snags.

    The time passing quickly/slowly? Blows my mind on pretty much a weekly basis.

    E. is still up twice most nights, although we do get the occasional night with only one waking. He's nearly always up for the day by 6.30- moving him to his room has meant he gets woken by us trundling past (squeaky floorboards) and I can't seem to get him to nurse back down, even in the comfort of our warm bed. At least he has started taking one longish nap most days.

    I think I will be tired for the rest of my life, and could not cope with showers and Earl Grey tea. the only saving grace is he goes right back down after eating- just like S. I wonder if the MSPI tends to cause wakings for longer? Who knows.

    Am always thinking about you. Can't wait to see new pics of the girls!

  2. Growing girl! Here for you always if you need to vent. :)

    I think I hit some kind of pediatrician jackpot, ours has been great about the MSPI stuff - very realistic and supportive. He was completely supportive whether I wanted to stick with breast or if I wanted to try formula. But there was still the "we don't know how long it will take j to outgrow this" - and that's frustrating. It could be 3 months or it could be 12. Sending you love!