radio silence

I'm alive! I swear!! Been a bit MIA in this realm lately, but I assure you all is well.

Updates, updates?

Firstly, baby S had her 9 month well check like, oh, a month ago or so. (Uh, she'll be 10 months old later this week--le sigh) Anyways. The appointment was a mixed bag, so to speak. Her pediatrician freaked out a bit when I told her that she wasn't crawling on hands and knees yet (she's been army crawling for a while, though) so she handed me this GIGANTIC, ridiculous development survey to fill out and I rushed to fill it out and, well, you know the story. The baby failed, or rather was deemed "borderline delayed" in several categories. Truthfully, I think I blew the survey because the questions were so absurd and were the types of things I would never pay attention to in my child and they asked the same question in different ways several times and BLAST IT ALL, I HATE THAT. She gave me a huge stack of things I should do with the baby to bring her up to speed. I glanced over it and have tried some of the more natural ones but really? The baby is FINE. She is fine. There is nothing wrong with her at all. She has just started showing interest in for real crawling this week... she was getting around GREAT crawling with her belly dragging on the ground so I just think she had no incentive to learn the "official" way to crawl. Little L never army crawled at all, so this whole stage was unfamiliar to me. Otherwise, she's feeding herself puffs, drinking water from a cup, finally showing interest in solids and totally within normal percentiles on weight again. (18.5 lbs at last check). She's been working on 4 upper teeth for weeks, is sleeping great in spite of it all and she's just perfect. She waves, claps, babbles "mama" and "baba" and is working on pulling herself up on anything that won't give way to her push. If she's not flashing a gigantic smile, she's wailing and throwing a fit about something or trying to catch the dog and grab his tail or knock over a stack of blocks her sister carefully arranged. IGNITING A FIRE STORM. Life for that baby? Is grand.

Little L has hit a wave of really bad behavior. People warned me 2 had nothing on 3 and all though I was holding out hope my precious child would again be an exception (really, that child has been a dream since she was born), she no longer is. She's exhibiting all kind of "not like her" behavior, lying, blaming things on the baby, directly disobeying, having meltdowns at the drop of a hat and being just downright rude and hurtful to myself and her daddy at times. We are dealing. Time outs only work so well when you are at the third one of the day and I am tired of taking toys away or threatening to withhold treats from her. I need creative parenting ideas. Got any? I really still think she's likely better than a lot of other 3 years out there in the world, but this is so HARD for me because it is so foreign right now. And when she's not on the warpath and being sweet? OH IS SHE EVER SWEET. She's adorable and hilarious and the things that come out of her mouth keep us giggling.

And me? I am just as busy as ever, finding that now the baby is in everything and needs GOBS AND GOBS of attention and often refuses one or both naps every day, my life is HARD. Way harder than ever, really. But at the same time, so good. I've been working out a TON. You name it. Boot camp, running, spin classes. If I can get my hiney out of bed at 5:00 AM and get to it, I've been doing it. I feel amazing. I'm not losing any weight really, but I'm feeling so much more tone and strong and my "happy" size clothes fit me great. My marriage is rock solid. My job is going really well. The weather is perfect. I love my church and I am REALLY loving The Story series.

I'm so thankful for everything in my life.

For those of you that don't know Jen, which I'm sure most of you do, please keep her in your prayers. My heart is broken for her. In fact, she and Ainsley have been the thing in the back of my mind/heart all these months since baby S was born that reminded me that NO MATTER WHAT drama we were dealing with, be it MSPI, nonstop screaming, sleepless nights, etc, nothing in my life was tougher than the battle Jen was fighting. And every time she posted a picture of Ainsley's beautiful, smiling face, it somehow made the world seem like a happier place for that moment. Every breath she took was a blessing and I know that Jen would have done absolutely anything for her. Just the thought of losing one of my children gives me a tight feeling of despair in my chest, I simply cannot imagine the agony of the reality of losing 2. One before she ever took her first breath and the other after almost 17 months of fighting every single day.

Treasure every single day, friends. Tomorrow is not promised.

goings on & 9 months

I survived the week of being dreadfully sick and home alone with 2 kids while my husband was on the beach. And I came back from the whole thing even stronger somehow. My running has really kicked up a notch and I feel AMAZING. I don't know why this is, but I'm not complaining.

The baby is NINE MONTHS OLD today. Time flies! She has had swollen gums for a few days and I noticed today that she magically cut one of her top middle teeth already, without much hullabaloo. I have to say, after all the troubles of the first 6 months with her it seems like life has just been so easy for her lately. She sleeps 11-12 hours straight through every night (couldn't tell you the last time she woke me up in the middle of the night--praise GOD) and she's just so happy. Don't get me wrong, she can be a real drama queen when she gets mad, but usually a quick scoop from mama's arms will solve any wrong. She's still on the same formula and I've been introducing more pureed solids in along with her stand by favorites like oatmeal and bananas. I scored some dairy and soy free puffs at the store this week (am SO THANKFUL there are good companies that make these things and GER.BER can BITE ME, they have so much processed crap in their foods) and she seems to like them, though she has NO idea how to get them from the high chair to her mouth on her own. As for development, the child has changed in leaps and bounds the past few weeks. She literally went from this little blob lying in the same spot on the floor to a fast moving, army crawling machine. I cannot keep up with her, you can see the smoke trails behind her when I turn my back from setting her down. I am not sure how to contain her just yet, the house is so big for a wee baby and I worry about her getting stuck somewhere or getting herself in trouble. (or eating dust bunnies off the floor, which I have seen her try to do already) She isn't pulling up much yet (THANKFULLY) but I am sure these milestone are not far off for her. The ladies in the church nursery laugh about how fast she can move from one end of the room to the next and how she always manages to just turn up behind you grabbing at your ankle when you aren't paying attention! I'm not sure when she'll figure out she can get up on her knees, but she seems to be getting around just fine dragging herself on her belly. Her arm muscles have got to be crazy strong! She's also just started waving and clapping her hands. A random man waved at her at the store the other day and she had the most SHOCKED look on her face as she waved back. Like "oh! other people do this, too!" It was adorable and it made that little old man's day.

We've also been dealing with the new world of defensive parenting. I was just going blissfully along enjoying the fact that the 2 girls got along so well and Little L was SO SWEET to her sister and then one day, baby S dragged herself over to L and yanked a toy out of her hand. And L pushed her to get it back and... you know the rest of the story. I grew up with 2 younger brothers so I know all about sibling woes, but I've never parented 2 quarreling children and had to teach much about SHARING. So this is new to me. And exhausting. "Don't push your sister." "Stop being greedy." "Be KIND." "Share." And the baby doesn't get it because, you know, she'll just play with anything she can get her chubby little hands on and this drives Little L absolutely mad. I actually watched as Little L defensively perused to playroom this week to pick up every toy she didn't want S to play with and put up on shelves out of her reach. Which would be acceptable if they were only L's toys, but several of them were BABY toys, too.

Parenting, phase 2?

The husband and I are trying to plan a little make-up trip for the 2 of us to Vegas at some point this year. We are at the mercy of grandparents who have full time jobs and busy schedules, so I am not sure when we'll be able to recreate the perfect little set up where we have time to get away but it is my mission to make it happen. We need it... we haven't had a real trip alone together in almost 5 years. (and sadly, I'm ashamed to admit we haven't even been on an alone date in 7 months---SEVEN MONTHS) We had been thinking about a big family trip at some point this year, but have decided to wait until next year to do that. I think it'll be easier to travel to Disney when the baby is on a one nap a day schedule instead of two and we'd rather save up to fly all 4 of us instead of driving anyways. There are a few little travel events here and there throughout the year, so we'll just make the best of those.

That's about all the interesting I have to share. I'm slowly catching up on blogs and commenting. With the week of sick and work and LIFE in general, I've gotten so behind. But know I am still following along and doing my best to keep up with you all!! Hope everyone is doing well!

best laid plans

For a while after my husband told me about this trip to Puerto Rico and I was feeling uncertain about leaving the baby behind so soon, I wondered what it would be like for me to be left behind with the kids while he just went without me.

Well, now I know.

This week didn't exactly go as planned, to say the least. Saturday night, my throat started burning badly. I assumed it was allergies (as this has been my worst allergy season yet) and got very little sleep that night. I woke up Easter morning without a voice and feeling awful. I powered through the day but by the time my dear friend who was supposed to watch the girls came over to spend some time with us, I knew that I wasn't exactly improving. We were scheduled to leave Tuesday morning and I spent Monday trying to tidy up the house, stock the pantry with groceries, finish the girls' laundry and tie up loose work ends. I had a mani/pedi scheduled at 4:30 and I was still unable to speak and felt incredibly hot and exhausted the entire time I sat in the chair. By the time I got home, I knew I needed to direct myself to an urgent care clinic to make sure this was just allergies and nothing more. I wasn't interested in testing the Puerto Rican healthcare system and after 3 terrible sinus infections in the past few months, I couldn't imagine myself stranded out of the country without access to a doctor I trusted and blessed antibiotics.

So there I was, at 8:30 PM after putting the girls in baths and bed, doing web check-in for the nearest clinic, and telling myself "If it is only just allergies, there is no reason to question going on this trip. Just go and drink cocktails and recover from the miserableness on the beach." And I kept telling myself that over and over. It was only just allergies and I was about to waste $200 on a stupid visit to a stupid urgent care clinic late in the evening when I should be packing.

Only when the doctor stepped back in the room after performing a strep culture ("stupid strep culture will likely cost me $30 only to come back negative") to casually inform me that it was positive, I felt like I literally heard tires screeching on pavement. I was supposed to be on a plane in less than 7 hours and I was just informed I had flipping strep throat. WHAT 32 YEAR OLD GROWN UP GETS STREP THROAT IN APRIL?!?!?!?!?!

Then it really hit me that there was a good chance the girls would have it. And I thought about my sweet friend who was coming to watch them for the latter half of the trip and how I would feel if I was her, showing up to some one's house and managing their 2 sick children, one only 8 months old. Managing a sick baby is AWFUL, I can only imagine how awful managing a sick baby that isn't yours must be. At that, I knew I couldn't do it. It wasn't fair to anyone.

So.

I listened to him pack while I tossed and coughed and sweat from my fever uncomfortably, and then next thing I knew he was kissing me goodbye at 3:30 AM and that was that. He was gone off to a tropical island and I was left home alone with 2 kids and no voice and a big bottle of amoxycillin to keep me company.

I feel awful for him, too. He spent the entire week alone on the beach in a 5 star resort with a bunch of married couples and received his award, alone. I kind of want to cry when I think about it, actually. Knowing that he wanted nothing more than for me to be there with him. I would have been awful company. I felt so sick for the first 2 days he was gone and then yesterday I suffered one of the worst migraine headaches I think I've had in years. I didn't open the blinds or acknowledge the outside world existed until around 5:00 when I knew I absolutely had no choice but to go get a can of formula for the baby and dinner for myself and the big one.

The only bright spot in my week was the fact I had nothing but time to read. My best friend e-loaned me the entire HungerGames trilogy and I devoured all 3 books in less than 3 days. I never get time to read anymore and I'm obsessive with a good book so it kept me plenty occupied and distracted from being too sad about the state of things.

I could whine and moan and complain about how much the whole week sucks but deep down inside I suspect there was a valuable reason I didn't make it on this trip. I'm not sure if something would have happened it I had gone but I'm just accepting the fact I'll never know and dreaming of the next time we have the opportunity to sneak off on vacation alone together.

I sure can't wait to see his face.

swirling thoughts

1) We leave for our trip in less than 2 weeks.... how the heck did that creep up so rapidly? I am simultaneously excited and terrified. I just try to imagine myself leaving for the airport early that morning (like 3:45 AM for reals... early flight, to say the least) and walking out on my sleeping kiddos and being just ripped apart on the insides with angst. I know that they will be fine. I know that I will be fine. I just kinda want it all to get here and be over with so it is a positive memory in the past rather than an anxious reality looming in the future.

2) My husband has loosened up the purse strings enough to let me do some awesome clothes shopping for the trip and I have been having FUN with that. After having had a baby and really buckling down on diet and losing some weight, new clothes have been much needed. I even found a swimsuit this weekend! A one piece, yes, but its cute so whatever. I'm 30 something with 2 kids, I don't need to wear a bikini to feel good about myself, yes?

3) The J.Crew spring catalog is my total obsession right now. If I had a blank check, I could do some serious damage.

4) We're debating whether or not we want to take our good camera on our trip, the Canon DSL. I mean, I want good photos yes, but do I want to carry that gargantuan thing around for just the two of us the whole time? I dunno. He thinks we should just take our iPhones and call it a day. I have a 5 year old slim point and shoot Sony Cybershot but haven't used it in years and I remember just HATING that thing because the photos were always blurry or the lighting situation was weird. What would you do?

5) I'm also trying to think of a bunch of fun prizes to leave behind for the people who are watching the girls to give over the course of our time away. I am thinking of doing some new movies, books and toys for Little L. I don't have a clue of anything to do for the baby because, well, she's a baby. And really? She just wants to be held and fed most of the time and she's all smiles.

6) This free trip is obviously costing us a bit more money than we had anticipated. HA.

7) I still can't believe I'm leaving my kids for 4 days in less than 2 weeks.

8) I told my husband I wasn't leaving them for this trip without a will. What's that you say, a WILL? "You mean, you don't have one of those?" No. We don't. My husband really doesn't like to broach the topic of death and it has always been a horribly touchy subject in this house. It took me to late last year to finally convince him that life insurance policies were not negotiable and the entire process of lab work, medical history and the bazillion questions they ask you in order to underwrite those policies just about killed him in and of itself. And I think part of this is that he hasn't want to put to pen and paper who would we would leave our children to should this happen, because his family will be incredibly offended that they weren't chosen (they shouldn't be, not a single one them is in a position to manage 2 small children) and I suspect he never wanted to answer the question if it was asked. But I think that ridiculous drama like that PALES in comparison to the idea of leaving to kids alone left to be argued over and swirling in uncertainty.

9) I don't like to think about any of this stuff either but the older I get, the more "in touch" I am with the fact that these things simply happen. A guy from my hometown died in a skiing accident 2 weeks ago while on spring break with his family. Yes, that really happened. And I don't even know him well and I have vague memories of his wife being from my childhood church also, but I see her FB updates and I think to myself how completely life shattering this must have been for her and their 2 small children. And, really? I tear up to put myself in her shoes. Because I think I would be utterly LOST without my husband. He's truly my best friend and he makes my world go round and in a perfect world, I don't want my girls to know a life without him or me. But this isn't a perfect world.

10) Reality sucks but God is good and faithful and I remind myself daily that he works together in all things for the GOOD of those that love him and are called according to his purpose.



I got off on quite a tangent there, sorry. Mortality has been a bit of a sore spot for me lately and I had to get it off my chest. Bless you all!!

8 new things, including a perfect heart

1) I found myself in a pediatric cardiologist's office yesterday. I didn't tell anyone we were going except for my 2 closest friends and my dad and his wife. It isn't that I thought we were going to get bad news, but I felt very guarded about the whole thing for some reason. At Little L's 3 year well check, her pediatrician noticed her lips were blue and asked if she'd eaten blueberries for breakfast. I said no and that her lips have always turned blue when she's cold (it was rather chilly and rainy the day of her appointment). I could tell she was quietly concerned by it and told me she wanted to "think/read on that over the next few days" and get back to me. Her office called the following week with a referral to a Cook Children's pediatric cardiologist for an EKG and echo cardiogram and I was kind of stunned silent. When I mentioned it to my dad, he commented that his sister (aka my favorite aunt) had been diagnosed with a valve defect at the age of 3 and had to have open heart surgery to correct. I just prayed about it all and stepped in to the office with a pretty calm, collected sense of peace. Her EKG and exam by the doctor were so good that he didn't even feel the need to do the echo. EXHALE. The blue lips are probably because she is so fair and tends to show coloration more than the average kid... I've been able to see most of her veins since she was born. I was relieved, to say the least.

2) Have I said lately how beyond thankful I am to have healthy children?

3) Baby S barfed ALL OVER me last night. She had been acting weird all day, fussy and not really interested in eating, and I was just fighting with her to take a bottle and as I turned her around to burp her she started making this weird gagging sound and then BOOM! Barf all over me, the couch, the blanket, the floor. Amazingly, she got none on herself. I was certain she'd wake up hungry in the middle of the night, but she didn't. She still seems off.... but no fever, generally acting normal and smiling, so????????? Babies.

4) I got the bikini and cover up I ordered and, um, NO. The bikini was too revealing (seriously, no one wants to see the crack of my derriere) and the cover up made me look enormous. I returned it all and ordered a one piece from another site and got it next day and? Um, definitely NO. I am going to the beach in 3 weeks and have no swimwear but whatever. I'll try to go shopping this week. I think that online swimsuit shopping has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever tried to do. OF COURSE I have to try 500 on before I settle on 1 that is the least awful.

5) I did order this dress yesterday and it appears to have practically sold out in less than 24 hours since they posted it.

6) The soreness from all the working out has passed. I feel like I've been doing nothing but running the past 2 weeks. I also started counting calories hard core with my best friend this week. She sent me an app for my iPhone and now I'm doing the usual obsessing bit that I always do anytime I start counting calories. Did you know that in order for me to lose 1.5 lbs a week I can only consume 1200 net calories per day but for my husband to do the same he can have 2100? I enjoy being a girl but sheesh. 1200 calories is like bread and water, literally.

7) I'm hungry.

8) I'm making this pulled pork recipe for dinner tonight. Alison the Great gave it to me when I was struggling to find things to eat several months ago (during the heights of my MSPI desperation) and it has become a staple in our monthly meals. It is SO GOOD. It sounds kinda weird and "seriously?" when you first hear it, but it is RIDICULOUSLY easy and YUM. It is even Little L approved ("mom, this isn't yucky!") and I serve it with buns, onions and jalapenos for the sandwich and then roasted red potatoes and corn. Try it, you'll like it!

I hope you are all having a WONDERFUL week. I have been having a TON of "I love my husband and kids SO MUCH, how did I get so blessed? MY HEART COULD BURST!" feelings this week. I don't ever want to take one second for granted and I wish that feeling for EVERY person in the world.

HAVE A GREAT WEEK!!!! :)

7 quick things

1) Little L is on "spring break" from her MDO program this week and OH MY did I totally forget what it was like to have 2 kids without a break all week. HARD. I had to take the both of them grocery shopping with me today and guess what? NEVER AGAIN. It is pure chaos, I cannot handle the management of two tiny humans plus the responsibility of a long grocery list. Nuh-uh, no way. J is taking off tomorrow so we can take them to the zoo, though. (barring rain or something Texas-y like that)


2) I ordered a bikini for Puerto Rico.

Truthfully, I hate bikinis and I know I don't look great in them but I have never found a one piece that makes me feel good either. And my husband requested bikini. So. Bikini. (Oh and never you worry, I did procure a coverup, TOO)

I foresee myself spending little time in just the bikini and mostly wearing this adorable coverup over said bikini. I do keep a photo of the bikini on my iPhone for motivation to run/exercise every day, though. I gained 5 lbs since I relaxed from the MSPI diet and I am fairly certain all 5 are located square in my gut.


3) Did I mention I am exercising every day? Well, since last Thursday at least. So. About a week-ish of solid routine under my belt. We got the treadmill working (for what it is worth, it turned out to be an issue with the electrical wiring in the room it is in, NOT a treadmill problem) and I took myself out to buy new running shoes because I had put 500+ miles on my old pair and noticed my knee was aching in them anytime I ran the past few months. I also started back up with The.30.Day.Shred and seriously? It is no joke. I've done a lot of gym classes, bootcamps, etc over the years and that video hangs up there with the best of them.


4) I am extremely sore.


5) The baby is all of the sudden HUGE!!!! As in, I am really shocked at how big. She's pretty much sitting up all on her own (with the occasional face plant and screaming fest, naturally) and much to my chagrin, she is fitting just perfectly in all those 12 month size clothes that I JUST ordered for her. (I was hoping that stuff would last us through her birthday in July at least... HA). I haven't a clue what she weighs or how long she is, but I do know that she just looks so big and is getting ridiculously heavy to hold for long stretches of time. Which, of course, is how she likes to roll... in my arms... a lot of the time.


6) We started The Story at church last week and I am really loving it so far. It is basically the bible but written like a novel. It is a cool perspective and a great way for someone who is unfamiliar with the bible to jump in and learn. We also bought the little kid's version of it for Little L and and it is the special book we read one chapter from every Sunday night. Memories are made of this...


7) I've been cooking like CRAZY lately, trying to get back on a good grocery budget and add some new things to our repertoire. I'm not a great cook but I am a GREAT recipe follower, assuming the recipe speaks in regular human speak, not chef speak. (seriously, I looked at the Julia Child's cookbook once and shrunk back in to my hole of nothingness) ANYWAYS. Alicia posted this link last week and I tried 2 of the recipes from week one and they were both pretty darn good. I did the baked pesto chicken and the chili coke roast; the pesto chicken ESPECIALLY took big praise at the dinner table from both the regular diners here. I swapped out the french bread for a cesar salad and we ate like kings. YUM. I am planning to try a few new recipes from this site each week. I am going to post the winners here because I LOVE getting good recipes endorsed by people I actually know.


8) I have plans for a GIRLS NIGHT OUT on Friday and I could DIE, literally, just DIE FROM EXCITEMENT. We haven't left the kids with a sitter in almost 7 months and I haven't had a night out on my own in longer than I can remember. My best friend and I are going to have sushi! I haven't had sushi since before I got pregnant with S, so.... a year and a half plus? I can.not.wait.


THE END!

Now that you are 3...

Stats

39.5" tall
34 lbs 2 oz
Size 4 clothes, or XS; Size 9.5 shoes


The Three Year Questionniare
(An idea borrowed from Alison the Great, I asked L all of these questions and recorded her responses and will do this every year she is a willing participant!! Most of these things she had an IMMEDIATE answer for, a few took her a bit of thinking and then on the holiday one I had to explain what a "holiday" was and give her options to choose from.)

1) What is your favorite color?
Pink

2) What is your favorite toy?
Puppy

3) What is your favorite fruit?
Strawberries

4) What is your favorite TV show?
Olivia

5) What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch?
Cars S'getti O's with meatballs

6) What is your favorite outfit?
Sleeping Beauty costume

7) What is your favorite game?
Hide and seek

8) What is your favorite snack?
Nutrigrain bars

9) What is your favorite animal?
A lion (ROAR, thrown in for good measure)

10) What is your favorite song?
E-I-E-I-O (aka Old MacDonald)

11) What is your favorite book?
Olivia

12) Who is your best friend?
Libby (from MDO)

13) What is your favorite cereal?
Fruit Loops (mom, I want fruit loops right now)

14) What is your favorite thing to do outside?
Go to the park

15) What is your favorite drink?
Lemonade

16) What is your favorite holiday?
Christmas

17) What do you like to take to bed with you at night?
Puppy

18) What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast?
Sausage and eggs

19) What do you want for dinner on your birthday?
CAKE (duh)

20) What do you want to be when you grow up?
Princess. Or a doctor. (both answers completely acceptable!)